While writing my college essay I improved a lot on my scene and dialogue. When I first wrote my essay I told you about my experiences for example “ In previous years I have struggled being myself and opening with people. When I first entered high school I was enclosed.” When I presented my rough draft to my group they said that my writing wasn't that strong. They said that I talked about my experiences but did give them a scene to picture the struggle. From there feed back I scraped my whole paper and started from the beginning. The start of my paper now starts with “Words beneath my eyes as they dance across the page. Spinning, circling, and prancing, the words form anew. A language created by the mind. Letters create a page of no meaning.” This gives the reader a sense of what I went though in the beginning. When writing the final draft I had help making a step by step process. First paragraph with what I went through in the beginning of my freshman year. Then the second paragraph was to write about how it affected my grades and school work. Then my third was telling about all the different methods that I used. Final my last was going to my future when I’m in college. I wrote about how I would Improve even more.